I have a few things to say about Barbaro the beautiful horse that had to be put down. I am especially sensitive to animals and when I heard this story I truly broke down and cried. I heard on the radio this morning, this guy, talking about how Barbaro got more press coverage than Gerald Ford. I dont understand this. As much crap we have to deal with in this world why is is such a crime to get emotional over a fighter as Barbaro? He fought for 8 months to stay alive and he had more will than most people I know. Including me. But for some reason, his passing has given me some insight on how much harder some people and creatures have it than me. I’m not dying, I’m not homeless, I’m just dealing with some curves right now and I realize how lucky I am. When you’re depressed, it’s hard to see any brightness, but you know deep in your heart that you are lucky and hopefully loved. I’m lucky to have my family, and my home and my pets who love me. I think Barbaro has taught me a valuable lesson. God Bless that beautiful creature who touched so many hearts. He touched mine.

Well we told NaNa about the retention and I’m not sure how she took it because I wasn’t in the room. Brent felt he should tell her alone But he did tell her not to discuss it with Jackson because he was really sensitive to it. So what does she do? She starts asking him questions like “Do you really like that school?” “Do you have any friends there”? Before she could go on, Jackson paniced and changed the subject. He should not have to worry about that crap. She NEVER does what you ask her..she cannot keep her mouth shut and all day Jack worried she would say something. She really pisses me off.

Anyway, I haven’t had much to say because my mind hasn’t really rapped around all this yet. Jackson is doing good in Karate and I’m hoping that takes the stress off and he gets a raise in his self-esteem. He could use it.

My back is bothering me so bad. I had Brent sweep the floors this morning. I cleaned Jack’s room and then I was turning around and there was Doc, I tripped over him and the back went ~~~pffttt~~~. Damn I had so much to do and now I’m just having to rest it. I go back for more trigger points on Feb 1st. This time they have to shoot my middle back where the muscles are and there’s a risk of lung puncture…
That is ALL I need. Get out the chest tube. Oh well, hopefully all will go well…I’m so sick of this crap I could just give up, but I keep going for Jackson. He needs me and I’m not going anywhere.

I hope you all are having a great weekend. It’s really cold here today, wind chills in the single digits. I’m almost out of cigarettes and it’s too cold to go out so trying to spread them out until tomorrow morning

AS soon as I get myself a bit straighted out, I intend to stop. I INTEND to at least. There’s some new stop smoking aids on the market and I want to try that gel you rub in your skin, I can’t take the gum or lozenges…..yuck. My therpist told me to walk around with a carrot in my mouth..Yeah…right.

This is my son, and I will do what ever it takes to make sure he’s happy, healthy and treated right. I will fight anyone who suggests otherwise. This is who I love, he is the one that’s most important. I will NOT see this boy unhappy. He will know just how much he’s loved and wanted and there won’t be any discussion about it.

Current Mood: Sad

We had a parent teacher conference yesterday and was told Jackson must repeat 4th grade. This hit me really hard as that little boy has tried so hard but he just can’t catch up. His grades are all D’s and F’s and it’s not because he hasn’t tried, it’s because he came to that school with a 1st grade level from the LAST school he attended. This school is so far advanced from where he came that he has so much stress on him. After the initial shock was over I realized this was probably a good thing, that the stress level going into 5th grade would be much worse and a much harder curriculum, he just wouldn’t be able to get his head above water. I’m angry and I’m sooooo afraid of what this will do to his self esteem. It hit him really hard and he cried, he was angry, hurt and he said “I can’t do one thing right anymore”…that’s not good to hear from a 10 year old. If we can just get him through the adjustment period then maybe he’ll see how much easier it will be for him next year and be able to catch on. I can only pray. He’s so down on himself right now. I blame myself, I’ve been told I”m such a bad parent from my other children so many times that maybe it’s true. I just know we have tried everything to help him, flash cards, tutors, we have worked with him over and over. He’s a good reader but cannot comprehend what he reads. I had this same problem. Maybe it’s something in me? Maybe he has inherited my problems? I pray not. We have to change this around and we will. I know my family will not think to highly of all this and I will hear about how it’s all my fault, and then we have to deal with his Grandmother who will “be so dissapointed in Jackson”…that’s all he needs but I’m ready to fight anyone that dares puts blame on him or us. They do not live here and they dont know how much we’ve tried to help him. I will never forgive that other school. We learn from our mistakes but Jackson should not have to take the brunt of it. I’m really pissed off at my family right now anyway. It’s always all about them. How it effects them…not what’s best for the boy. OH I’ll be told to take him out of there and then he’ll be right back where we started. NO. I will not take him out of a school he loves just to apease the flock. They sure talk a good talk but that’s about it.

Current Mood: Loving & Happy & Excited

We had only about 5 inches of snow but it was the wet heavy kind, perfect for snowmen and snowballs. Brent, Jackson and I had the best snowball fight, then we made a unisex snowman….Here she/he is.

Here is a picture of my daughter Destiny and my grandbaby Cate. This picture just melts my heart and I’m so grateful she sent it.