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Dear
Mama,
There's
an Angel on my shoulder and I know it must be you,
A whisper in my ear from a voice I always knew.
Sometimes a gentle breeze, where it never should have been,
You let me know you're with me from a place where time begins.
A touch when no one's there, a flicker in my eye,
a rainbow where a storm had been, in a dark and rolling sky.
I
know you are my angel, and your heart goes on in me
your love shines down around me from a place I cannot see.
Some may think I'm crazy, some may not believe,
but I can feel your spirit, I know you'll never leave.
Your wings wrap me in warmth,
Your halo shows me light,
Your whispers keep me safe, in darkness of the night
It really does not matter,
That no one else can see,
Just like in the days before,
It is always you and me.
I
hope that you are proud, there will never be another,
Because there is no love greater,
than a child has for their mother.
I love you MaMa,
Your Loving Daughter, Cindy
I
dreamed of you last night Mama, in my dream, we were sitting on the couch,
just like old times, and you were playing with Jackson, we were talking
about the new words he was saying and how cute and sweet he was..He sat
on your lap and hugged you. We joked and kidded around with each other
just like before. We sat and drank our coffee, laughed about this silly
soap opera that was on T.V. You looked so young and healthy, and you were
smiling so much. It was the first time I ever had a *good* dream about
you since you left me....And this time, it was different, it was if you
were sitting right in my living room, like you had never left. It felt
so good to talk to you again, we talked about the girls, your granddaughters.
We laughed as we spoke of their boyfriends and such, just like before...
Then
the dream ended..as my tiny son woke me up...At first I was angry at him
for waking me before I could say goodbye and finish that sweet dream...but
as I placed my little boy in my bed, layed down next to him..I decided
that I could make up my own ending to that dream..cause I have a right
to do that...so here's my version of how it went.....
As
we sat and talked, I told you how much I missed you, how hard some days
were, that I get so tired and low, I cry because I miss you so very much..I
came over to you and sat next to you..I layed my head on your shoulder
and you wrapped your arms around me..I could smell your scent again, how
I missed that...I could feel you breathing and I felt your soft curly
hair against my head..You spoke to me in a quiet soft way and said..."Cindy,
I miss you so much too. I miss my little girl and how I miss my grandaughters
and I miss being able to play with this darling little son of yours..You
dont have to be sorry anymore, you dont have to feel guilt anymore, you
did nothing wrong. I am the one who is sorry if I blamed you for my being
sick. I'm the one who is sorry if I hurt you and made you feel bad. And
the night that I died, you did nothing wrong..you were right to leave
as I couldn't pass while you were there...It was much easier to go to
God's arms without worrying about you, and for that I thank you...It didn't
hurt, it wasnt scary, I know I couldn't tell you that at the time..but
I knew you were there..I heard what you said..and I knew how much you
loved me"
You must not
feel blue, as I am with your Daddy, your sister all your grandparents
and all my family that you love, I even have your little kitties and puppies
that you had to let go..and I'm taking good care of them for you until
you get there..
You patted
me and you rocked me and I felt like a little child again, safe within
your arms. You sang to me softly as I stayed next to you...your fingers
ran through my hair..just like you used to do when I was small.
You told me
about the beautfiul choir in heaven..about this young man named Elvis
Presley who was so handsome and sang so wonderful. He and Bobby Darin
let you sing with them..You smiled so big and were so proud.
You told me
that Jimmy Stewart made you laugh..and he was such a "good lookin'
fella"...and how you loved to laugh with Daddy as you went fishing..you
asked me if I still remembered all the fishing trips we took, and how
much fun we had..you said.."We're building a place for you, the Lord
and I, but it wont be done for a long time yet...It's by the lake, with
such a big garden for you to tend..Daddy and I just live up the way..its
a beautiful place...better than any memory or imagination you could ever
think of"
"All
your little animals will be there waiting for you.they dont need
a fence you know..." And with that you smiled. You took you arms
from me and said "I better go hon, Mama has to get back"..I
cryed and said Please dont leave me.."..You smiled and said..."I'll
not be far..just going across to the other side...I'll be here with you
all the time, don't you worry..." I'll keep loving you and you take
good care of this boy and my Grandbabies...You have done well my daughter..and
I am very proud of you"..Then you winked at me and said.."Besides,
John Wayne is taking me and your Daddy out to Dinner.."...You put
on your scarf, got your purse and kissed me and Jackson. Out the door
you went and you turned back to me and waved just like you used to when
you would leave...and a big smile came across your face..and then..these
wings appeared on your back..you floated up toward the sky and flew with
grace that I had never seen before...You faded as I watched you soar..A
tear rolled down my check as.I closed the door and turned toward my little
darling boy,..he had something in his hand..."What you got there
Sweetybaby?" I said to him..he held out his hand and there was the
most beautiful Pink Rose I had ever seen in my life..it was more beautiful
than any flower I could imagine...the colors were like none I had ever
seen!!!..It was truly perfect!.."Where'd you get that from"
I asked him?....he said to me...."Gama give it to me..."
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